Who needs sleep...no...not me!
This past week I did what I did when I wanted to get little E to sleep all night. I got a bunch of books out of the library and looked up a ton of websites that all say something different, read them all, said "hmm...that's a good thought..." then threw them all out the window and followed my motherly instincts.
It's a matter of sleep...a matter every mother encounters some time. Except all those mothers whose kids sleep 12 hours a night at two months and wonder what the rest of us are whining about. But anyways...I did find an interesting website that very truly described my dilemma. I never heard it put so clearly.
She started by saying "It's most likely your own fault your child isn't sleeping through the night yet." (heard that one before...) But she was right! Part of me wants to sleep so bad I'll do anything - pay top dollar! But the other part of me lies awake at 2am wondering if he's ok and if perhaps I should just peek in on him just to make sure he's still breathing. And the part of me that knows sooner rather than later cuddling with mom will be the furthest from his mind and in the middle of the night he's as snuggly as he'll ever be. Yes, that's the part of me that has a hard time letting him "cry it out."
It's in the middle of the night that his tiny little hand grips my finger and holds on like he's saying "mom, you're not going to leave me all alone are you?" But it's also in the middle of the night that a thousand thoughts run through my mind like " if I go in there, it's going to teach him that if he cries long enough mom will always give him what he wants....If I go in there he'll be up in 2 hours - and I'll never sleep! If I don't let him cry, he'll be up all night for the next 10 years..." So while I lie awake debating what to do, his cry turns into a whimper and then he drifts back to sleep and I don't feel like a cruel mother because I did spend those 10 minutes contemplating what to do.
But unil my children are 48, don't ask me if they're good sleepers. It doesn't matter, they keep me up at night whether they sleep or not. And that's part of the joy of being a mother. Honestly, it is a joy and no matter how many times I'm up in the night, the morning is always a new day full of more opportunities to love and train my children...Even if I do complain a wee bit at times...
It's a matter of sleep...a matter every mother encounters some time. Except all those mothers whose kids sleep 12 hours a night at two months and wonder what the rest of us are whining about. But anyways...I did find an interesting website that very truly described my dilemma. I never heard it put so clearly.
She started by saying "It's most likely your own fault your child isn't sleeping through the night yet." (heard that one before...) But she was right! Part of me wants to sleep so bad I'll do anything - pay top dollar! But the other part of me lies awake at 2am wondering if he's ok and if perhaps I should just peek in on him just to make sure he's still breathing. And the part of me that knows sooner rather than later cuddling with mom will be the furthest from his mind and in the middle of the night he's as snuggly as he'll ever be. Yes, that's the part of me that has a hard time letting him "cry it out."
It's in the middle of the night that his tiny little hand grips my finger and holds on like he's saying "mom, you're not going to leave me all alone are you?" But it's also in the middle of the night that a thousand thoughts run through my mind like " if I go in there, it's going to teach him that if he cries long enough mom will always give him what he wants....If I go in there he'll be up in 2 hours - and I'll never sleep! If I don't let him cry, he'll be up all night for the next 10 years..." So while I lie awake debating what to do, his cry turns into a whimper and then he drifts back to sleep and I don't feel like a cruel mother because I did spend those 10 minutes contemplating what to do.
But unil my children are 48, don't ask me if they're good sleepers. It doesn't matter, they keep me up at night whether they sleep or not. And that's part of the joy of being a mother. Honestly, it is a joy and no matter how many times I'm up in the night, the morning is always a new day full of more opportunities to love and train my children...Even if I do complain a wee bit at times...
posted by Rebecca at 5:31 PM
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1 Comments:
Hard to believe that your very-sound-sleeping-as-in-what-about-Bob husband was once a baby who woke his mother in the middle of every night...and I had the exact same dialogue with myself.
This too shall pass, dear Rebecca.
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